G is for
grieving. It’s a unique human experience, one most of us avoid at all costs.
I’ve only experienced one loss in my life of someone near and dear to me, and
I’d venture to say it changed me in a way few things will.
I posted to
Music Addicts last week about something I have found myself doing in the last
year and a half. When I’m alone in my car with the radio up, sometimes I am
singing at the top of my lungs and a strange feeling overcomes me. It’s almost
as if, if I put enough volume and emotion into the words, they’ll reach across
the veil and find the one I lost. Music is one of the connections I still feel
I have to him and that feeling is so overwhelming, so powerful that for a long
time, I did not want to mention it to anyone, not even Bear.
Until you
lose someone, you do not know what it’s like. Missing them, wishing they were
there, remembering what it was like when they were. I always imagined, but
being on the other side of loss is just different.
It’s one of those things you think you understand until it really happens to
you, and then you truly understand.
It occurred
to me as I was musing while at work, I don’t think I could have appreciated the
ending of Twilight’s Dawn as much if
I had read it before I lost my Pawpaw. Saetan and Jaenelle returning to the
Darkness, dying, was a more powerful,
more overwhelming experience to read because I know what it’s like. To smile
sadly and say “If he were here, he’d say…”
We’re all
human. Our feelings, our emotions are what help us remember we’re alive and
even when they’re painful, it’s a beautiful remembering.
