“A Woman’s
Right to Shoes” is an episode of Sex and the City that should be titled “A
Woman’s Right to Life.” The basis of conflict that Carrie deals with in this
episode revolves around the fact that she doesn’t have children and spends
$400+ on a pair of shoes. As she says to Miranda, she was “shoe shamed.” She
was also told that she “had a lot of time on her hands” and it was inferred
that she “didn’t have a real life.” Because she didn’t settle down to face
reality with a husband, kids, and houses in New York and the Hamptons. I have
long wanted to write a blog based on this episode and how we use societal
expectations to judge the value of our lives and the lives of others.
One of the
most basic things we judge life value on is whether or not you have a
significant other. It’s something that annoys me in Sex and the City because
they act as if it’s such a big deal that they’re single, but if you think about
it, that’s probably an accurate reflection of our society. Most of my friends
who are single often worry that they’re going to be old and alone, and they’re
all in their early twenties! I acknowledge that it might be because I’m in a
relationship that I’m baffled by this. However, to be completely honest, if I
were single, I would enjoy it. No one wants to be alone but to truly be in a
relationship, it’s more than just a candlelit dinner on Friday nights. Speaking
from experience, you will fight with that person and often, those fights will
come at the most inopportune times. Relationships mean time and energy when you
may have none left to give. People forget this because there’s this constant
pressure to find someone special to bring home for the holidays, if for no
other reason than just to flaunt in front of the relative who is always asking
if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend yet. And I would venture that we all have
one of those.
This is
just one of the things that we judge our value on. If we’re alone, then we
think something is wrong with us, that we’re not good enough. If we don’t have
children and property and a demanding schedule, then it’s almost as if our life
isn’t as legitimate. It isn’t as important or valid.
Carrie got
her $485 shoes and while I think that’s far too extravagant for a pair of
shoes, that’s her life and her choice. And she shouldn’t have to answer to
anyone for it. She lives her life the way she chooses and just because there
isn’t a man or babies doesn’t make it any less valid than mine, and I’m on the
path towards having a man and babies.
The glory
of the time and place in which we live is the capability to live our lives the
way we want, but the problem there is that people want to place value on
certain lifestyles and if we’re missing that lifestyle, we’re not as valuable
to society. And frankly, that’s bullshit. So, with that in mind, how do we
determine the value of our lives? Why do we even need to? Carrie asks a good
question in this episode. “When did we stop being free to be you and me?”
That is
what it boils down to, being yourself and living life the way you want. It
doesn’t matter how much you have. It doesn’t matter how much weight, how much
money, how many material possessions. What matters is happiness and a sense of
contentment with the life you are living. If that comes from being single and
having no kids, then by all means more power to you. At the same time, if
happiness means a husband and kids, still more power to you. No one has the
right to tell you that it’s not good enough, or not the “right” lifestyle. No
one has the right to patronize you either.
I must say
that I love this episode, even though I want to wring Kiera’s neck at more than
one point. Patronizing is a sure fire way to get me riled up and that woman has
plenty of it. Don’t judge or belittle. Accept each other and all that tree hugger
kind of talk. It’s not just for hippies.
I’m
including a short clip from this episode that I found on YouTube. I apologize
for the poor quality, but it was the only one I saw.
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