I’ve
realized that I am a strange creature. Yes, I know this is not so much of a
revelation as a reminder, but hear me out. It is hitting me and hitting me hard
that I become strangely attached to place. And I am not just talking about
cities or towns that I’ve lived in or spent a significant amount of time in. I’m
talking about the two rooms that I spent most of my undergrad years in. The
first one was in one of the older buildings on campus, with community
bathrooms, but I loved it. Even now, I think that room, we’ll call it 302, with
fondness, and I cringe to think of what’s being done to it and the building it
is in with the switch from gals’ dorm to guys’. And the room I’m in now? That I
am preparing to leave within the next week, 318? I have a vague idea of the
person who will be in here next and I am not happy about it.
A friend
came up here two years ago, and she was attending a public university, living
in their campus housing. She looked around 302 with something just short of
distaste. The ceiling was messed up from water damage, the windows were clearly
old with no decoration, and the paint did not look all that great either. But I
had three windows. 302 sat on a hill and sometimes it was if I was a princess
in a castle, surveying all that belonged to me on this campus. I loved the
bookcase that was built into the wall between two of the windows. The closet
with its own door and shelving. The desks and dressers that for one whole year,
were mine alone.
318 was an
upgrade. I have one window, but it’s huge. I have shelves above the desk that
runs along an entire wall, more built-in shelves just as you come in the door,
along with a little cabinet just below that. The closet is much bigger, with
two shelves above where you hang your clothes and little shelves along the
walls. The dresser is bigger than the ones in 302, plus I have my own bathroom
here.
302 and 318
have both been places of refuge in the last three and a half years, and I’m sad
to leave them. I wish that I knew the people coming in after me would love and
appreciate these places like I have, but I doubt that will be the case. This is
part of the college experience. Moving in and out of rooms, the continuous
stream of new people and new students, it is the way of things. And part of me
wishes I could stay here forever. In 302 and 318, I relish the small joy of
pulling out my key and twisting it in the lock, walking into a space that was
mine and mine alone. No parents, no roommates, no significant other, just me. I’ve
been very lucky that for the majority of my time in college, I’ve had a room to
myself. I’ve been fortunate that my parents were able to afford it. I don’t
know how I feel about giving it up. And that brings me to something else.
I’m not
sure if I’m ready for this change. I know it’s coming, I know I can’t stop it,
but that doesn’t mean I am happy about it. The worst part is not knowing what
is coming next and feeling like I am going somewhere where I’ll have little
room to really figure it out. I’ll just be shoved at whatever comes along and
not really have much of a say. Am I the only pending college graduate who feels
this way? Surely not! I know people who, whether or not they admit it or even
realize it, are terrified of graduating and going out into the real world. It’s
almost a side effect of being in a school setting for so long. This is what we’re
used to, this is what we know, and to take us out of it and thrust us onto the
real world, I expect to stumble a lot as I find my footing.
The next
six months are going to be difficult, for more than one reason. I would be
lying if I said I was looking forward to it, or that I wasn’t scared. Not to
mention something else that I am thinking about laying on the table for all who
deign to pay attention.
Scary
times, but I suppose the only choice here is to march onward, and slap a smile
on your face as you walk into the lion’s den.
It is times like these that i believe we need to sit back and look around and see that even though we are scared you have people to help through the journey. The next six months do look scary for you, and it is a drastic change to a way of life you have become accustomed. But remember that you may have companions to help on this adventure!
ReplyDelete