Friday, February 22, 2013

Truth is Trust

            Let me tell you something about truth. It’s sticky. The first time you tell it and someone doesn’t want to hear it, you’re an asshole. It can save a life, it can break a friendship. It’s what we’re all searching for every day, in however small of a way, and we have to live with ourselves when we can’t find it, or we find it and ignore it. You can’t talk about truth without mentioning trust, and trust is the heart of this particular blog entry.
            Truth is not fragile. It is what it is, whether or not you want to acknowledge its existence. Trust is not quite so Rambo. One quick slash to the trust in a relationship can nick an artery and make it bleed to death. Or leave behind a scar that will never fade. The trick beyond that point is whether or not the scar impacts your every day life, or if you can just forget it even exists. I’m not the kind of person who finds it easy to forget a scar.
            Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, which some would say is a very bad generalization but it is what it is, and I don’t forget. I may forgive, but I never forget. Friends may not realize it, but I do catch them in lies sometimes. People think just because  nothing is said that they’ve gotten away with it, when all they’ve really done is chip away at the trust that was there initially. I’ve had it happen to me and the person in question is still clueless as to how they slipped up, that I know they were making something up along the way. You know what that does for me? It makes me question everything they say and do. And if they’re the kind of person that they rarely do what they say they’re going to, when they say they’re going to, pardon me if I don’t take much you say at face value.
            I don’t trust that many people. I can count on…wait, that’s only one finger…the amount of people I trust unconditionally. There’s a few reasons for this. One is that I know people aren’t perfect and they slip and I’d prefer they didn’t slip something I said at the wrong time. Another is that they’ve done something and I know for a fact that I can’t trust them to keep private issues private. Even if it’s just someone in our circle, they’ll go blabbing eventually.
            I’m not cynical, I’m realistic. I’m also one of those people who has a very clear line as to what’s public knowledge and what’s no one’s effing business. Some things blur that line, such as my choice of religion, but that’s another matter altogether, another blog post.
            I’ve been struggling all week, trying to think of what to write for my blog post and what I finally came to was a sense of sadness. Because I know I’ve been lied to before and I can’t take what this person says as fact anymore. I’m not going emo on any readers I have out there. I’m not one of those people who lets something like this completely drag them down. Mostly I wanted to write this blog to send a message to anyone who pays attention.
            Don’t lie to your friends. Truth can be painful but it’s the only way to live and if the people you’re with can’t handle it, then they need to check themselves. If you’re lying to cover your own ass, then you need to check yourself and take a good hard look at the way you’re living. I’ve made the comment before that I’d rather deal with someone who annoys me but is honest about who they are than someone who changes themselves to fit the crowd. I’ve learned in the last few years that even if someone does things that bug the hell out of me, I need to accept them as they are. If they accept themselves, then it should be more than enough for me. Changing, lying about who you are to fit in is one of the worst things a person can do to themselves, I think. It’s that streak of rebellion I’ve had in me since about third grade. And that’s that.

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