I finally
turned twenty-one this past weekend. I can now order drinks in restaurants if I
feel moved, but unless it is a special occasion, I don’t see myself doing it
that often. Eating out is expensive enough, especially when you’re in college
earning a grand total of a hundred odd bucks a month. Even so, I treated myself
and my fiancé to Chili’s for my birthday. Beforehand, we strolled around the
mall and our last stop was the bookstore (because you save the best for last
and we spend the most time in there anyway). We came across a book my fiancé
has been wanting, in hardback and it was
bargain priced for six bucks. I wasn’t planning on it, but I ended up buying it
when he wasn’t looking. He does little things for me, so I thought I would
return the favor for once. A week ago he surprised me with a little mountain
lion from our campus bookstore, my early birthday present who we named Kenzie,
after the chick from Lost Girl.
The passing
of my birthday means that we are just that closer to the end of the semester
and I am having mixed feelings at this point. I am ready to be done with
college, but at the same time, I don’t want to leave. More to the point, I
don’t want to go home. Sometimes I am not even sure where home is. Is it with
my parents? In the dorm room that is more mine than anywhere else I have ever
laid my head at night? Or is it with my fiancé? This question has bothered me
for a year or so now, and I still don’t have an answer. Even though I
supposedly have a plan, I have no idea where I will be in a year, and that is
scary. I also keep looking at my ring and wondering when that day will ever
come.
I’m feeling
way too introspective for a chick who just celebrated her twenty-first birthday
with friends, food, and a pink margarita, but that is part of what makes me a
writer. It’s not always fun, but it is what it is.
On that
note, as of this week, I am slowing down this blog. I am not going to stop
posting, but they will be fewer and farther in-between. There are a few reasons
for this. One is that we are rapidly approaching exams so my time for fun
writing will be limited. Another is that at this point, I am not feeling like I
have enough support to keep this blog going on a weekly basis. Thirdly is that
because I feel like I do not have that support, I’m stepping back to figure out
a new angle for this blog, a new focus that might get more people to read it on
a regularly basis.
I write
because I can’t not write, and that will never change. However, for something
like this, I can’t keep feeling as if I am talking to myself most of the time.
So, I suppose I’ll see any readers I do have on the flipside. Watch my
Facebook/Twitter for updates about the blog.
Blessed be.
I hear you on the home idea. That's not an easy place to be - I wouldn't go back to my 20's if you paid me! Good luck on your journey. Its a crazy, exciting, terrifying place to be. Just remember that when you fall - and you'll fall - pick yourself back up again, dust off, and keep moving forward. Enjoy the journey and try not to focus too much on the destination.
ReplyDelete